Growing up, I, like many kids, was subject to the bullying, teasing, and constant fear that public schools often produce. My anxiety led me to lying about how much homework I had, stressing about those upcoming parent/teacher conferences (especially with the math teacher), and fearing the (deserved) discipline I would receive for choosing to play Halo instead of completing my homework. Depression, anxiety, apathy, fear, and an absolute lack of will were staples of my childhood. By the time I reached high school, I decided 9th grade would be different.
But it wasn't. Three months in, I couldn't find any solid ground to stand on. So, I struck up a deal with my parents to be homeschooled for the rest of high school so I could get the heck out. They agreed. In the year that followed, I learned how to:
- Play the drums
- Talk my parents into giving me their old flatscreen TV
- Play video games on said flatscreen TV
It wasn't all messing around, though. I also gained some confidence back, spent time with people who cared about me and created a significant amount of stability in my life. Eventually, I ran into one of my friends getting help with his algebra homework from the parent of some friends we knew. This parent, it turns out, had homeschooled her three children. I asked if she was willing to homeschool me through the rest of my high school diploma, as her daughter was in the same grade I was. She said, "Yes, but only if you're serious about it."
Oh, I was serious.
Yeah, right.
The first 5 months were absolutely miserable. I was practicing the same habits of procrastination and lacked the drive to accomplish much. My essays were sloppy. My 'study' times were still being wasted playing video games. Then the New Year hit (2014, if you're curious) and a gear switched in me. Approaching turning 17, I realized:
I don't need to stress about learning everything. Realistically, the things that interest me will come naturally. Intuition will kick in. I only needed to spend time learning things that I knew were a struggle for me to wrap my head around, and that would definitely come up later on a test. I also knew there were many things I learned about that were unnecessary. I stopped telling myself to just shut up and learn it because I had to, and started asking myself, "What do I want out of my education?"
This simple perspective change helped. Immensely. It became my choice to learn and it felt like I finally had the ability to say, "Yes, I want to learn."
As I got better at identifying what key items would appear on a future test, I also got better at filtering out the information my brain didn't need to store anymore by asking that question, "What do I want out of my education?" I focused on that. Figuring out what those things are helps us filter through all the educational materials seeking to flood the backs of our eyeballs, and we can see the one thing we can cling to as we drown in a mess of information. We see a future in a career or we find a subject that really gets us excited.
What causes anxiety in our lives, I believe, is a feeling of being overwhelmed. To be able to say, "I hate math, but I need to learn what I can to pass and nothing more," is a first step to reducing that stress.
If we can simply identify the things we are responsible for and stop overreaching beyond our capacity, we will be a society that is less cluttered and less stressful. I've seen past coworkers doubled over with anxiety about things that they aren't responsible for. They overreach and question and desire to learn everything about other peoples' responsibilities, yes, but also the responsibilities of entire departments. Entirely different departments. That said coworkers don't work in. They were not hired to work in those departments and they are stressing themselves out because they don't understand every single thing that goes in in those departments. If they first focused on being able to manage what they've been given, things would go a lot smoother for themselves and for the world around them. Instead, they lack general trust for others to do their jobs. Others who had been working here longer than said coworkers.
Trusting others to handle themselves is the first step, for all of us. Giving the benefit of the doubt is challenging, but it takes a great amount of pressure off our chests.
And then comes trusting ourselves to manage our own responsibilities. When I stop worrying about what others can handle, I begin to trust myself.
Start today by choosing to trust someone else. Then turn that into trusting yourself. Focus on doing the best you can with what you've got, and trust that those around you are doing the same.
Trust.
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