Time to Throw in the Towel?

As a child, we sometimes hear that whatever we decide to do, we'll be good at it. If you're like me, this can cause us to believe our parents and other adults in our lives will have high expectations for us as we enter adulthood.

What happens, though, when that accomplishment, milestone, or goal disappoints us?

My wife knew someone who grew up never seeing her parents argue or even discuss a small disagreement in front of her. All 18+ years of her life living at home, and this person hadn't witnessed a marital conflict. At some point in her young adult life, this person got married. Her expectations had been established by what she had witnessed, and what she hadn't witnessed, in her parents' relationship. Her expectations were shattered, therefore, by her first argument with her new husband. Immediately, she knew - or at least, she thought she knew - that the relationship was over.

Whether they wound up divorced or not, I'm not sure, but I do know that this very same thing happens all around the world in relationships, careers, colleges, and a myriad of over things. When we've "arrived" at an important, personal milestone, our brains and our emotions know it. We know it. Dopamine surges and our adrenaline pumps. For a time, euphoria and a sense of new heights gather around us.

But just like that woman, everything we go to for our satisfaction in this world is guaranteed to disappoint us - and more than once. What happens when what we thought would bring us ultimate joy and satisfaction let us down? Should we throw in the towel? Is it over?

I've been struggling with answering that question. I'm trying to figure out if I need to send my resume out and change jobs because I, too, had my expectations and trust broken by a job that I had surrendered my satisfaction to. When I was first hired, it felt nice to ride that wave, letting the job dictate my satisfaction because, so far, it had yet to let me down. When I changed departments, the job did let me down. I figured it would be temporary and continued placing my trust in the job. Weeks turned into months and I, for some reason, repeated everything I had done the day before: relied on this position to bring me joy. It never came.

6 months later, I'm still in this department, but I've decided not to let the job dictate my joy. Circumstances are difficult to remove ourselves from but if my joy isn't derived from what's around me, I can't lose it when what's around me is less than perfect. (Hint: it's always less than perfect.) When my joy isn't derived by how I feel, I can't lose it when I'm less than perfect. (Hint: also always.)

What if that woman was able to decide that an argument with her husband didn't mean the marriage was over? What if I could hang onto this job for just a little bit longer until things got better? What if we could have hope for the future no matter the circumstances? It's challenging. We may feel our troubles will never end. But, in my experience, pain is temporary. Trials come and go. We learn from the tough times. So long, my demons - you've tortured me for too long. Now, it's time to get the best out of a bad situation instead of letting it turn me into the worst version of myself.

Seeya tomorrow.